Maths and Paperwork (and Asgardians)
by Jetainia
Summary: Harry doesn't like maths, paperwork or Asgardians. Just his luck that all three of them are coming to say hi. He just wanted to enjoy his cup of tea, is that too much to ask for? Apparently it is. MoD!Harry Oneshot


Harry James Potter sighed as a ping went off inside his head, he set down the cup of tea he had been enjoying and sighed. It always happened like this, just as he relaxed something popped up that needed his attention urgently. Grabbing his jacket he sighed again before summoning a Death Portal to his office.

"What is it this time, Death?"

"Simply a warning, Master. It's going to get very busy soon," replied the figure in black.

"When is it not busy?" Death sent out a questioning air and Harry flapped a hand at it, Death never understood any form of humour. "Never mind, who's making us busy this time?"

"Who do you think, Master?" Death almost sounded amused, maybe it did understand humour after all but Harry was not happy with the answer that he knew was right to that question.

"Bloody Asgardians," he muttered.

Death shifted nervously, making Harry raise an eyebrow, "There's something else Master."

"Continue."

"They have the Tesseract."

"That thing again? I thought you were keeping it safe in a random spot in the ocean with the soldier."

"The humans found it when they found their lost hero, the soldier who decided he'd rather sleep than come with me."

Harry groaned, the Tesseract was way too annoying when it was on a planet, "Do I have time to finish my cup of tea?" he asked, resigned to his fate.

"Of course, Master."

Harry enjoyed his tea as he watched the Asgardians and the humans fight. No one was dying as of yet so he was content to watch them squabble. Well, not many people were dying. Generally not enough for him to be called on normally. Eighty people in two days may have him doing a few more calculations and paperwork to keep the balance but nothing more. What Loki, the bloody Not-Asgardian Asgardian had planned _would_ demand his presence eventually.

He watched in amusement as Loki, Thor and Tony Stark fought. Then the one-who-should-be-dead-but-wasn't came along, he actually seemed to have a brain. Loki seemed to be having fun, patiently waiting for his plan to come into play. It was a pretty good plan too, using their own people against them.

Then Loki killed Coulson, and Harry liked Coulson, he was cool. And really, Phil Coulson was supposed to live for a while yet. So Harry thought it might be time for him to step in.

"Agent Phil Coulson," he greeted, "you really shouldn't be here."

Coulson stared at him, "What?"

"That bloody Asgardian decided it would be a grand idea to kill you. Which actually turned out to be a terrible idea because it really messed up the balance and I hate maths. Plus it gave your little band of heroes a reason to fight together, but mostly because I hate maths."

"Who are you?"

"Harry Potter, Master of Death, pleasure to meet you."

"I'm dead? I'm actually dead?"

"Yep, you're actually dead. The question now is; do you want to stay dead or do you want to go back to being alive?"

"I can go back?" Harry nods, "Then I think I have some unfinished business to attend to."

Harry laughs and says, "Off you go then, find your archer before either of you die again. Oh and nice shot, I've been wanting to shoot Loki for awhile, he throws the worst temper tantrums."

Coulson salutes him and starts walking in the direction the arrow that had appeared was pointing him in.

Loki was on Stark Tower about to open the portal that meant maths and paperwork when Harry finally appeared to him. Harry's Tesseract was held in an abomination of metal and wires sending out a distress signal. Of course, no one but him recognized it as such; they just thought it was gamma radiation and power.

"I really wouldn't turn that machine on if I were you." Loki, who had been poised to activate his abomination, whirled around to look at him.

"And why is that? Why would you care what I do with it? You're not one of those silly super-heroes and you're obviously not of this world, so why would you care?"

"For one, I am of this world, I am of all worlds. And two, that's my Tesseract you're messing about with and forcing it to disobey a direct order from me."

Loki sneered and poked Harry with his sceptre, obviously expecting something to happen. He stared when nothing did before trying again, and again. "Who are you?" he eventually asked.

"I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet." Harry smirked, "I'm the Master of Death, and you've become very annoying recently."

The Not-Asgardian Asgardian's eyes widened as he realised who he was facing and he stumbled backwards quickly. "No, not you. They promised me you wouldn't interfere, that you would be happy with the destruction I will bring to this world."

"Happy? You thought I would be _happy_ with all the paperwork and calculations I would have to do to sort out the Balance after you messed it up? You thought I would be _happy_ you're forcing the Tesseract to disobey me? Are you that conceited that you thought Death would just _happily consent_ to your _stupid_ plan?"

"My Lord, I'm sorry-"

"Oh, so now it's _'my Lord'_ is it? Now that you're trying to save your own hide from my displeasure?"

Loki cringed away and was about to say something presumably in his defence but was stopped by the arrival of the metal hero. He instantly straightened up, unwilling to let his enemy see his scared out of his wits; he still had his pride after all.

"Put the sceptre down, Loki." Loki ignores him and looks at Harry for direction, Harry just holds out his hand expectantly. He handed it over to the Master of Death with Iron Man protesting, "Hey! I said put it down, not hand it over to some stranger!"

"Hush, tin man. You are not needed here, Loki is mine to discipline."

"Just who do you think you are? You another Asgardian or something?"

Harry laughs coldly, "No, I am not one of those _children_. I am the end of all things and I'm busy." With a wave of his hand, Harry sent Tony Stark to the bottom of his tower without his Iron Man suit.

"What are you going to do to me, Master Death?" Loki asks apprehensively.

"Well now, that depends doesn't it? Do you want me to be in charge of your punishment or you dolt of a step-brother?"

"Thor," Loki said instantly, no one wanted to face the wrath of the Master of Deat

Harry grinned, "I thought as much."

A Death Portal opened when Harry waved his hand and Thor came charging through it roaring like a bear, stopping suddenly as he took in his changed surroundings. "Loki!" he thundered as he spotted his brother, "Surrender now!"

"He's already surrendered, you great oaf," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"Master Death!" cried Thor, "I apologize, I didn't see you there. Are you taking my brother?"

"Nice to see you again too, Thor. And I'm taking your brother just yet; he's decided to go with you this time." Harry turned to Loki, "Behave yourself trickster, no more death and destruction."

He picked up the Tesseract and stepped through another Death Portal, leaving the brothers standing on the roof of Stark Tower. They stared at each other before Loki broke the silence.

"So, how's mother?"

"She is well, she will be happy to see you again."

Loki nodded and silence fell once more before the other Avengers appeared ready for a fight, only to find Loki surrendered and Thor smiling slightly.

"So what happened?" Tony asked Thor later that night. The Avengers were gathered in the SHIELD debriefing room and when Iron Man asked his question everyone looked at Thor.

"The Master of Death stopped Loki before he could open the portal and let the army through."

"Master of Death? Who or what is that?"

"The Master of Death is exactly what his title suggests Dr Banner, the Master of Death," answered Agent Phil Coulson as he entered the room.

The room that was filled with stunned silence as the Avengers realized who had spoken. The silence was broken by a heartbroken but hopeful whisper, "Phil?"

Phil smiled at the archer, _his_ archer, "It's really me, Clint."

Clint Barton, AKA Hawkeye, one of the toughest and most stoic person on earth, launched himself at Coulson and wrapped him up in a hug, clinging to the man for dear life. Then the rest of the Avengers snapped themselves out of their shock and greeted the agent one by one. Eventually the greetings, the _'how did you do it'_ s and the _'sly bastard'_ s died down and Phil explained what happened to him.

"So this Master of Death, is he on our side?" Natasha asked after the explanation.

Thor answered the question, "Death's Master is on no side but his own. He only appears when what he calls the 'Balance' is in danger. Or when you've caused him too much paperwork, when I met him he was ranting to me about the paperwork I had made that he had to do. He was also muttering about maths, I do not wish to experience that again."

"Huh," was all Tony had to say and the others just accepted what Thor had said, not sure what to make of it.

Harry sighed as he sank into his chair with a cup of tea; it was exhausting stopping Asgardians' from destroying a world. A ping went off in his head and he groaned, what on Earth (or any other planet) could need his attention this time?


End file.
